Puns
by Alice Leonhardt
Summary: In which Eren and Levi meet through puns.


The rumble beneath Eren's feet signaled that the plane was starting. Eren took a deep sharp breath as he abruptly shut the shutters on the plane window. Gods, he hated planes. Whose genius idea was it to travel 40,000 feet above air? And they were basically floating, FLOATING, in mid air. Yeah, somebody thought that was a great idea. Hey, let's apply mechanics and science to make a great hunk of metal float in air, over thousands of feet into the atmosphere and let's make them travel over days and hope they don't die of anxiety! Eren gritted his teeth as another jump occurred on the flight. Fuck his life.

The seat next to his was empty, the poor person was either in the latrine or some other equally shitty place. Eren sighed.

Armin and Mikasa were meeting him there, while he was stuck all alone on this horrendous hunk of steel.

In fact, he was so busy cursing the plane that he hardly noticed his seat's neighbor returning. His knuckles were white as he clenched the seat's handle harder, the plane jumped, Eren whimpered. Eren's eye shifted over to his neighbor and his clenched mouth dropped open. The guy was gorgeous. Holy hell. He couldn't be older than 28.

Everything about him screamed cold and mean but...damn, he was one fine specimen. Eren, unbeknownst to himself, let out a low purr as he raked his eyes over the other man. As he was observing the man's jawline, he noticed a small cigarette prodding from the man's delectable lips. His mouth dropped open again.

"Oh gods, please tell me that's a metaphor." Eren said. The man look at him, eyebrow raised. His cold gray eyes surveyed Eren, looking at every crook and cranny the boy had before settling on his eyes.

"It is." The man said, pulling out the cigarette and returning it to its brothers in the pack. Eren sighed in relief.

"Eren Jaeger." Eren introduced. The man's eyes flickered to his again.

"And why would I want to know who you are?"

"Well, seeing as you're going to be on the plane with me for another day and a half, might as well make ourselves comfortable." Eren said.

"Hm."

"Hm?"

"Hm."

"Hm..."

"Levi." The man suddenly said. Eren jumped.

"Wha-?"

"My name."

"Your name..."

"My name is Levi."

"Levi..."

"Stop repeating everything."

"Repeating-" Eren suddenly flew out of his trance. "Oh...Levi?"

"Hm."

"Okay."

"Okay."

...

Awkward silence...

...

Eren opted to just stare at the man-Levi-as he closed his eyes. He took in everything, from his hair to his adam's apple. Suddenly, a small cough.

"Why are you staring at me?" Gray eyes looked down at green ones. Eren's lips corked in a smile.

"Because you're beautiful." Levi groaned.

"We are not, and I repeat, we are NOT making this into The Fault In Our Stars." Levi growled.

"So you've read it? And watched it too I'm guessing."

"Yes. What are you? Sherlock Holmes?" Levi said, voice laced between amusement and annoyance.

"Nope." Eren said, popping the P rather loudly. "Though I can presume by the fact that the hem of your shirt is splattered with water that you were at the bathroom earlier. And the fact that your hair is pushed back can either mean you've found something extremely upsetting in the latrine or you've been snogging someone." Eren sang as Levi snorted.

"Go Avada Kadavra yourself." Levi shot back.

"Sorry, no magic out of Hogwarts. You should know that Professor Snape."

"Did you just call me an overly greasy haired Snapple?" Levi asked. Eren merely smiled innocently. "Whatever, ferret." This time, it was Eren's turn to be offended.

"Did you just call me a Draco Malfoy? I am NOT a ferret, you Tonks!"

"And I'm not Luna Lovegood!"

"But you're so quirky."

"Shut it, sunshine."

"What?"

"Sunshine."

"Wha-"

"Deal with it."

"You can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm Sirius."

"Levi."

"What?"

"Stop."

"No."

"What?"

"No."

"But it's getting annoying!"

"You started it."

"But-"

"Too bad."

"But-"

"No."

"*pouts*"

"Hm."

"Levi?"

"What?"

"Can you move so I can get to the bathroom?"

"Why."

"Cuz I hafta go...do my business?"

"Is it an emergency?"

"Well, not really but-"

"You can wait." Came Levi's response but Eren was ready.

"Oh I've done my waiting! Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!" Eren shouted as Levi in his best British accent. The plane went silent.

"Momma, that person is Sirius Black." A little boy whispered. Eren flushed pink as he slid down into his seat. Levi smirked.

"Don't say it." Eren said.

"You-"

"Don't."

"Fine."

"..."

"Hm."

"..."

"Hm. Eren."

"What?"

"I apologize if I Leonhurt your feelings."

"Levi."

"What?"

"You just dug yourself out of a hole into a bigger one."

"And how so?"

"I am the king of Attack On Titan puns."

"Hm. Are you now?"

"Yep."

"I'm not surprised."

"What? Why?"

"You seem like the type who always stays in his house."

"Hm."

"Hm."

"Levi?"

"What?"

"You're Sasha douchebag you know that?"

"At least I'm not a horse faced baby."

"What?! That's just too far Levi!"

"Stuff an Armin it, Eren."

"Levi-!"

"Your seatbelt's loose, Titan it."

"Levi, stop!"

"You can't Bertell me to do Anniething."

"Levi!" Eren whined.

"You give up?"

"...*pouts*..."

"Step on a crack, break Petra's back."

"..."

"Hm."

"That was too far Levi."

"Hm."

"Too far."

"Do you give up?" Levi asked again.

"But-"

"I'm telling you, I always Er-WIN."

"..."

"Hey, Eren."

"What?"

"Look at all the big ass clouds." Eren peeked out the window and sure enough, clouds obstructed his view. But this time, he was hardly sick.

"Eren." Levi said again.

"Yeah?"

"Did you know that the ocean is the most second filthiest place I've ever been?"

"Oh? What's the first then?"

"Hanji's room." Levi grimaced as he thought about it.

"It is?"

"Trust me, you don't even know the HALF of it." Levi's smirk surfaced again.

"Dammit!"

After a good four hours of Levi's puns, Eren finally gave in.

"I give up!" He yelled, throwing his hands up. Levi smiled.

"Hey, Eren?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever been to the Empire State Building?"

"Yeah, it's nothing special." Levi shakes his head.

"Mortals don't even know."

"Wait, what? That made no sense. Was that a reference?"

"It's a dam Percy Jackson thing, cupcake."

Oh gods...

Eren fell asleep on Levi's shoulder. No surprise there. Windows are hard. Levi looked down almost affectionately at the brown head. Stupid Erens and their stupid adorableness.

"Ugh-" Eren said as he woke up. He felt horrible. His neck at horrible cramps in it.

"Good morning, Sunshine."

Yesterday's events crashed down on him.

"You look like a brick was thrown at you." Levi said. Eren groaned.

"That was another one wasn't it?"

"Yes it was."

"Please, save me from this torture, anyone!" Eren yelled, dramatically swooning in his seat. Levi rolled his eyes

"Stop being a drama queen."

"I'll stop being one when you stop making puns and stuff!"

"Hm." Levi thought for a moment before chucking something at Eren. Eren caught it, fumbling a bit. Eren looked down. A gold coin.

"Wha-?"

"Go, Jason Grace, you're a free demigod now." Levi said, making a big show of moving his arms up and down. Eren merely looked.

"I hate you."

"I'm sure you do, ferret."

"Dammit, Snape!"

"10 points from Gryffindor."

"But-"

"Another 5 points."

"But-!"

"I suggest you shut your mouth if you don't want to lose all your house points, Potter."

Eren pouted.

"'Snot fair." Eren said, cheeks puffed out and bottom lips poking out. Levi just looked for a moment before sighing.

"5 points to Gryffindor." He said grudgingly. Eren immediately brightened.

"Really?"

"Yes. Now shut up or I'll take away 50."

"Okay..."

"Okay."

"The Fault In Our Stars!"

"Shut up."

"Oh...okay?"

"Hm."

"That should be our 'okay'!"

"What should?"

"Hm!"

"Hm?"

"Hm."

"Hm."

"See?"

"...I do not 'C'."

"This isn't Alice In Wonderland, caterpillar."

"Shut up, tweedledee."

"I am not!"

"No you're right. You're both."

"Wh-Levi!"

"What?"

"I'm gonna-"

"The plane will be landing soon." Levi's voice said quietly. Eren immediately shrank.

"Oh..."

"Hm."

"Hm..."

And that was that.

Eren grunted as he struggled with his two bags. Armin and Mikasa wasn't here yet.

"Let me help you with that." A smooth voice said behind him. Eren jumped.

"L-Levi!"

"Don't wear it out." Levi said as he easily lifted the bag Eren struggled over. Eren flushed dark pink.

"O-okay..."

"Hm."

"Eren!"

"Armin!"

"Eren."

"Mikasa!"

Eren ran to meet his friends, tripping every so often as he tried to lug a small bag behind him. He flew into his friends' arms. After a few moments of platonic PDA, he let them go.

"I thought I'd never see the ground. Or survive that plane!" Eren exclaimed. Levi walked up behind him. Mikasa's eyes narrowed as she pulled him behind her.

"Who are you?" She asked, voice laced with a brewing storm. Eren sweat dropped.

"Uh-" Eren tried to explain. Armin just sat by and watched. Lightning flashed.

"Hm." Levi said, sizing up Mikasa. Mikasa did the same. Eren gulped.

"M-Mikasa, this is Levi. He kept my mind off dying during the plane. And Levi, this is Mikasa, my sister. And that's Armin, my friend." Eren introduced. Lightning slowly ebbed away. Mikasa 'hm'ed.

"Alright. I have to go before Hanji-"

"Levi~! Yoo hooo!" Came a loud voice. Levi raked a hand through his hair.

"Crap, gotta go." Then he was gone.

-Two Weeks Later-

Eren stared at the well worn card in his hand. He had found Levi's number or card tucked neatly into the strap of his luggage. He turned pink.

"Levi, you big stupid idiot."

-Four Weeks Later-

Eren ran down the streets of Maria Avenue, he was meeting Levi today! After four weeks! Exhilaration and euphoria flowed through his veins.

-A Month-

Eren turned pink as Levi sent him a message.

Levi: She's not nearly as cute as you though.

Eren rolled over onto his pillow, face buried into the soft fabric.

"I like you too much you Tonks."

-2 Months Later-

Levi stares down at the screen of his phone, hardly surprised. But he wasn't expecting Eren to make a move.

Eren: I like you.

Levi: I like you too.

-Eren's P.O.V.-

Eren felt like exploding. Levi liked him back! Levi! Liked! Him! Back! Happiness was flowing from him.

"Hey, Eren, I was wondering if-WHOA-" A loud voice yelled.

"Hmmm?" Came Eren's response.

"Jaeger?! Are you okay?! You're all shiny and sparkling?!" Jean yelped, the gold emitting from the boy was repelling him. "Did you finally get laid?" Came a curious voice.

A slap was heard for miles around.

-a year later-

Eren couldn't have been happier with Levi, same for the other man. They were both enjoying each other's company and love to the fullest. Only...Levi had one question in mind.

The small box tried to make its appearance many times. Four times, Levi tried to propose, only to have either Horse-face or Overprotective Red Scarf interfere. That's it, he's going to do it tomorrow!

Something was wrong with Levi. Eren knew. After a year together, he was able to read Levi fairly well.

The apartment was dark when he got home.

"Levi?" Eren called, takin off his shoes and coat by the doorway. "Are you home?" Eren moved when he suddenly caught a small note on the wall, along with a picture...a picture of him pouting: cheeks puffed and bottom lip poking out. This was when they first met! The note on the bottom said: The day I met my other HALF.

Eren chuckled, leave it to Levi to make a Marco Bodt pun. There were a lot more pictures. A few of their first date, the moment they said that they love each other, one month anniversaries, birthdays, all up the stairs, through the kitchen until it landed on...their bedroom.

There was only one note and it said:

"Now the question remains-" and below that- "Turn around." And Eren did.

"Will you marry me?"

Levi was on one knee, ring box in one hand and pictures scattered all around him. Not the most romantic but definitely most memorable for Eren.

Tears began to well up. Eren sniffed.

"Y-yes!"

-A Year Later-

It was time for Levi to say his vows.

"Eren." He began. "I never knew that Hanji forcing me on one of her trips was ever a good thing. But I'm glad she made me because if she didn't, I'd never would have met you. You're a bit insufferable yes, but nothing I can't handle. I truly believe that you're my other HALF. I would never LEONHURT you. And when we go back to MIKASA I'm gonna put my ARMIN your JEANS." Eren tried his best to hold back his laughter as he saw the priest's face at the last comment. It was priceless. "I love you as much as Percy Jackson loves blue. As much as Jason loves his brick. I'm willing to fall into the Tartarus for you because I Argo II us." The puns didn't even make anymore sense to Eren anymore but it was still the most romantic thin he has ever heard. "You don't need any charm speak to charm me because I'll do ANNIETHING for you. You light my way through darkness more than any lumos spell." Levi said all of this with a straight face. Hanji was cackling in the audience as Erwin sighed. "I love you Eren Jaeger." He said. Eren sniffed away his tears.

"Even though your puns are awful-" levi wiggled his eyebrows.

"Really? I find them Frankly Amazhang." He said. Eren gave a watery laugh.

"I still remember the first day we met. How scared I was on the plane-"

"You're definitely not a sky person."

"And our first date to the Empire State Building-"

"Mortals don't even know."

"And how you bought half the bookstore and complained when you found the corner of a page creased-"

"It was new!"

"I remember and notice everything about you." Eren said softly. Levi cracked a tiny smile. From the audience Hanji gasped.

"Hell has frozen over. Levi SMILED." She whispered urgently to Erwin besides her.

"I'll always love you." Eren said. Then they lapsed into a small silence, Eren staring intently at Levi.

"Uh, why are you staring at me?" He asked quietly. Eren flashed a smile straight off a Nicolas Sparks novel.

"Because you're beautiful." Levi groaned.

"I walked straight into that one didn't I?"

"Yep." Eren said, lacing his fingers through Levi's, the elder man rolling his eyes. The priest then proceeded with the standard things then finally, the long awaited: "You may kiss the-er-groom."

The deal was sealed with a kiss. Afterwards, Eren grabbed Levi and made his way to the cake. A cheeky smile bloomed onto Eren's face when he saw Levi's reaction.

"You little brat. I can't believe you."

"Hey, don't complain." Eren said. "Cmon, let's sneak a slice before my mom comes over to yell at us."

After stealing a slice from the back, the newly wed couple made their way to the secluded balcony where they fed each other cake.

Dauntless cake of course.


End file.
